Possessive love. We call it protection. We call it "family". Family first you know. But smother love is stunting love. Smother love is trying to fill a need that no one can really fill. My child, grandchild, niece, nephew cannot fill that spot in me that needs to be loved in ways I was not loved. Way back before they understood love languages, love was a hot meal, a warm bed, maybe a hug and prayers at bedtime. Over- the-top-blessings were a baseball mitt, maybe dance lessons or horse back riding lessons for the privileged. No one questioned, "do you love me?"--it was understood. Mostly.
Not that abuse never happened, it did. But that isn't what we are talking about, we are talking about helicopter parenting. I have done it. I tried not to, but we so much want to protect our children from financial disaster, broken hearts, the big things. It starts with allowing them to scrape a knee and tell them you will be fine, not "oh you poor baby". That's crippling. I knew that. It's the big boy and big girl hurts that I want to protect them from. The life threatening hurts, car accidents, bitter break ups, divorce, drugs...I mean these are legitimate concerns for a rational mother or father, right?
In a time of great angst with one of our children, God showed me how Job let things come upon him. "The thing that I feared has come upon me" is the quote the settled in my heart. I had let fear drive my interactions with my children. And where there is fear, there is not faith. Where there is fear, I cannot be planting confidence and faith.
Legitimately, I ask myself, how do I know if I am walking in true faith or just "repressing" my fear? Good question. I know when the fear re-surfaces that it was not handled in biblical faith. I did not truly trust the issue, or my child to the ONLY one who knows and does what is best for him.
When I kept them from "evil" people I may have even kept them from a life lesson that would protect them later down the road in life.
I watch the grown children of what I would have called "neglectful" parents thrive in life. They have learned skills because no one stepped in and protected them from it.
From the moment of birth I gave my children to God--and yet I have gotten in His way more than a few times. I thought I knew best. I was, afterall, the parent, the responsible one, the protector.
But the day comes, and hopefully before their wedding day, that I must say," I let go of you, I entrust you to the ONE triune God. I don't expect anything from you. I don't expect you to fullfill my need to be loved or rewarded for being such a good parent. I planted seeds, I watered, and now, like the farmer, I trust God to bring the sunshine and the rain into your life to create the perfect harvest."
So," I let go of you." But, I also let go of me, all my "hopes", my dreams and expectations, my demands, my "at least for Christmas, father's day, mother's day..." At last, as every mother painfully lets go of that umbilical cord, I release you to be the men God called you to be. I release you...and I trust my latter years to God--I am letting go of me, too. His will, His way. Amen.
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